Winning Isn't Everything

Does winning really make you happy?

Jeffrey shares how being right and winning is often at odds with living a peaceful happy life.

Episode Transcript

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\outl0\strokewidth0 \strokec2 I was thinking today that the desire to win may sometimes be at odds with spiritual or personal growth. I say this because, looking back, I actually don\'92t have any regrets about losses. I don\'92t regret losing a fight, losing a business, losing money, or even losing a relationship. There may be some pain around those things, but no real regrets.\
The only regrets I have are from the times when I won. For example, when I won an argument by being mean or overpowering someone to the point where they were in tears\'97I regret that. I wish I hadn\'92t done that because it caused pain. It\'92s interesting because I think I learned early on that winning was the goal\'97more important than truth, compassion, or personal growth. Maybe that\'92s part of the "American dream," the idea that winning is the goal.\
Since I had a quick mind and a good command of language, I could usually find words to win an argument. But often, those words weren\'92t true in all contexts; they had some truth, but were more like leverage. I used my skills to win. Looking back, those moments are where my regrets lie\'97I wish I had just communicated better, without feeling that I had to win.\
Now, looking forward, I notice this in small ways, even today. For instance, this morning, there was a little situation with Hisami. We have an avocado every morning, and today\'92s was still too firm because it had been in the fridge. My mind wanted to say, \'93Oh, that\'92s because you said we were leaving on vacation today, but actually we\'92re leaving tomorrow. That\'92s why I didn\'92t take the avocado out, and that\'92s why it\'92s hard today.\'94 Basically, I wanted to say it wasn\'92t my fault and make it hers. But, thankfully, before I said it, I could see the energy behind it and realized that (1) it wasn\'92t even true and (2) why would I want to say that? What\'92s this need to be right or to win?\
Instead, I simply said, \'93Oh, I left it in the fridge too long, so it\'92s a bit firm. No problem.\'94 That\'92s the truth. This awareness in real time\'97monitoring what my logical, winning-driven mind is composing and then choosing not to say things that could cause harm, especially if they\'92re not true\'97that\'92s what started this reflection.\
In moments like these, I can look at what\'92s truly important to me. What\'92s important is love and having a good relationship, not winning. Winning every argument doesn\'92t matter. Looking back, I don\'92t even regret times when I didn\'92t win. I only regret the times when I was mean.\
Going forward, I think we can all be more aware of the things we\'92re about to say, especially when driven by the urge to be right or to win. We can pause and ask ourselves if we might want to say something else\'97something kinder. Maybe there\'92s no need to be right or to win. Maybe we can just be honest and move on with a happy day.\
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Increase Your Energy Today

In just a few minutes each day, you can make real changes in your life. In Jeffrey's 7-day Energy Starter Kit, you'll learn his Top 7 Tools for Energy Awareness to help you:

✓ Focus your Attention
✓ Increase your Creativity
✓ Build Powerful Presence
✓ Improve your Boundaries
✓ Change your Emotions
✓ Maintain your Own Space
✓ Connect More Deeply with Others

Winning Isn't Everything

Increase Your Energy Today

In just a few minutes each day, you can make real changes in your life. In Jeffrey's 7-day Energy Starter Kit, you'll learn his Top 7 Tools for Energy Awareness to help you:

✓ Focus your Attention✓ Increase your Creativity✓ Build Powerful Presence✓ Improve your Boundaries✓ Change your Emotions✓ Maintain your Own Space✓ Connect More Deeply with Others

✓ Focus your Attention
✓ Increase your Creativity
✓ Build Powerful Presence
✓ Improve your Boundaries
✓ Change your Emotions
✓ Maintain your Own Space
✓ Connect More Deeply with Others