Have you ever wondered if being right isn't always the right thing?
I was reminded yesterday of my Material Mind's powerful desire to be flawless, to be smart, to be right, and to not be at fault.
And as I observed my own defensive maneuvers, I was also reminded of my Material Mind's lack of decorum and thoughtfulness toward others, its tendency to blame others to deflect attention, and to shoot the messenger—all to avoid looking honestly at the possibility of being mistaken.
So, we were on a live call with students, and we'd been having some issues with the lights and the mics before the call.
I had this sense during the call that people were unable to hear well, and I almost interrupted the call and said, “Hey, can everybody hear all right? Let's adjust the mics.”
But for some reason, I didn’t do that. Instead, I just let things go.
I saw a little message from my assistant Nidhi partway through the call, where she said, “Hey, by the way, people are having a little hard time hearing you. They’d like you to turn up your mic if you can.”
We were almost at the end of the call, and I didn’t really know how to make that adjustment easily, so I just kind of let it ride.
I was in that Spirit Mind space, so I didn’t feel bad that our mics were off. I just thought, “Okay, we have a technical issue, and we’ll try to solve it later.”
But after the call, something kind of remarkable happened. Remarkable—not in its fantastic nature—but remarkable in its ability to shine light on my rough edges.
After the call, we did a little post-call where we talked just amongst the staff and reviewed how things went.
And right away, this issue came up in a way that wasn’t very kind.
So it came up, and I was defensive about it. I was like, “Oh, you shouldn’t share things like that with me. It was disruptive. Just tell me after the call.”
I was kind of shooting the messenger, and then I went back to blaming other people.
I said, “Well, I was actually having a hard time hearing Yoko, the interpreter’s mic. Hers is always nice and clear and loud.”
So I was trying to blame it on her for some reason.
Then I remembered something that Hiro had said before the call. He said, “Actually, I think it’s your mic. You’re really quiet today. You’re unusually quiet today.”
And suddenly, all these pieces from all the really kind, gentle people around me, who were giving nonjudgmental feedback about our technical issue, all came in at once.
And I realized in that moment, “Oh, this is not everybody else’s problem. This is my problem.”
Then I thought about how I’ve really tried to be perfect.
I’ve got this tool that monitors the mic to make sure it’s perfectly positioned and everything.
But it occurred to me, “Oh, that tool might not be talking about volume, right? It might be talking about clarity.”
And then, all of a sudden, I had this insight: “Let me just adjust something on the camera.”
I went around the camera, and sure enough, I adjusted the mic volume there rather than on the mic itself or in the Zoom call. There are three places to adjust it. Four, I guess, including the system mic.
But I adjusted it there, came back around, and right away, I spoke.
And Yoko said, “Oh, wow, yeah, that’s really different. That’s a lot better.”
So two things were happening simultaneously.
I was observing my Material Mind’s tendency to kind of attack everybody else, make it not my fault, shoot the messenger—all these behaviors that we have when we get kind of lit up on something. All of that was playing out.
And I apologized to my team: “By the way, sorry for all of that, and thank you so much for being the gentle, kind souls that you are to witness my journey, even when it’s messy like this.”
Simultaneously, there was this Spirit Mind opening.
Because we’d been in the Spirit Mind call, I had both minds active at once.
Here, my Material Mind was lit up about something and reacting in the way it does, and my Spirit Mind was holding that space of non-judgment.
So even though it may sound like I’m, you know, kind of coming down on myself here, I’m actually not. I’m just honestly describing the behavior that I was demonstrating, and I’m honestly describing it from a place of love.
If I didn’t love myself in a way that I could see this from love and want to change, I wouldn’t be able to tell this story, right?
This would be a hidden thing that I never talked about.
I would just talk about all my successes and bright spots.
But the Spirit Mind journey, you know, this journey into self-awareness, isn’t all roses and honey.
Many times, the Spirit Mind journey is about diving deep into the most uncomfortable places within and seeing ourselves—eyes wide open—with love.
And this takes a little time to get used to.
It’s kind of like I’m talking about right now.
You’ve got to have that sense of two minds.
I know that my Material Mind is very active, and it’s playing out a kind of drama of sorts.
And there’s part of me—the Spirit Mind part of me—that’s able to see through that.
That creates an opening for clarity, for my Material Mind to actually come into that space of Spirit Mind, into that space of love and clarity where the answer lies.
And then boom, I find this simple adjustment and fix things.
Now, it takes the Material Mind a little while—at least for me—to kind of relax after this, to kind of unwind, because there’s a little bit of blame and shame that’s been built up over the years with this.
We’ve had mic issues for a long time, and I’ve always tried to either correct it technically on my end to try to be perfect or to blame other people and say that it’s their fault and not mine.
But all that time, for over a year, it turns out there was just a simple adjustment that I was missing on my end that could have made everything better.
On one hand, I’m so grateful that I found this thing.
On the other hand, I realized, wow, I spent a lot of time circulating kind of negative energy because I was afraid to look at the truth.
I was afraid that I might be mistaken, and I think all of our Material Minds have this.
Remember, if you’re listening to this, even though I’m talking about myself, I’m actually talking about you, too.
I’m inviting you to see yourself—eyes open—with love.
Notice those places in your life where the familiar thing comes back.
Whether it’s a mic issue you haven’t resolved, or a password thing you hate, or whatever issue comes up, especially around other people.
When you notice yourself blaming other people or blaming yourself, and in that space of judgment, please remember: I have two minds.
I’ve got this mind that goes from plus to minus, from good to bad, and has judgment—and that’s okay.
But I also have a Spirit Mind that is rooted in love and compassion.
I can see everything, even this whole Material Mind game, from love.
And when you remember that, when you remember, “Oh, I’ve got two minds,” as Hisami describes it, all of a sudden you have enough room to find the solution.
Even in the midst of the blame game, you can find love for yourself, compassion for others, and love for the entire game.
And that’s so much more satisfying than simply trying to be right.
