I was reminded today how difficult it is to listen when we’re thinking—even if we’re thinking about listening.
I was in the coffee shop this morning getting a little breakfast. We’re staying at a hotel, and they give you a little certificate. You can go in and get this basic breakfast. And usually it goes really smooth. I always order the same thing for Hisami and me, and it just goes through and there’s nothing to pay or whatever.
But this time, I gave the same certificates to the cashier. She explained to me that they’re only worth $6 each and that I can pick from the menu. And I was like, okay, I understand already. And so I just ordered the things.
Then she said, “Oh, you can’t get that extra hard boiled egg. You’re going to have to pay for that. It’s an extra 80 cents.” And I just said, “Sure, that’s fine.”
And then she explained it to me again. And then a third time. And I was like, “It’s okay. I don’t mind paying 80 cents for the hard boiled egg. No problem.”
But I know what’s actually going to happen—then she goes and checks with somebody else, checks the $6 thing. I think she’s new there and she’s worried about getting things wrong or maybe already got in trouble.
And she rings it all up. Turns out the order is $11.80, so there’s no charge for anything, which is what I anticipated all along. And then she looks really confused and goes and checks with somebody again and comes back and then sends me on my way to wait for the order.
I should mention too, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with this person. She was actually very nice, doing her best to give me customer service—but she wasn’t able to listen. She couldn’t hear what I was trying to say or really listen to what was happening, because she was busy thinking about what she thought should be happening or might be happening.
And this happens to all of us, right?
So next I’m waiting and they come over, and she’s trying to figure out how to make two hard boiled eggs takeout. She calls somebody over, they’re talking about it. I said, “Well, usually they just put them in a cup.”
Now, in Japanese, “in the cup” ends with cup-nakade, but nakade also means for here instead of takeout. And as soon as I said it, instead of hearing that I was saying “they usually put the eggs in the cup,” she just heard those two words and went into a panic—quickly started to clear everything, “Oh, you’re eating here.” And started getting a plate.
And I was like, “No, no, no. They usually put the eggs into a cup.” Still, she couldn’t hear me. Then I had to say, “Okay, that’s not right. Nothing is for here.”
And she still didn’t understand. “Everything is takeout. This is all takeout.”
And at that point, I realized—she’s doing her best to give me customer service, and I just need to close my mouth and stop trying to help. Because my words are confusing her, even though they’re really clear. You know, that part of Japanese I can actually do. Ordering breakfast—that’s my specialty!
So I just waited. They collected it all. And I went on my way.
And it was funny because back at the hotel, I was talking to Hisami and said, “You know, I noticed this…” And she said, “Yeah, that sounds familiar.”
We were laughing, because I do the same thing. I do the same thing when I’m really thinking about something. Even if someone’s talking to me and I want to be listening—and I’m trying to focus on them—if I’m thinking about what I might say or what it means, I’m only half-listening.
I might be getting the keywords to what they’re saying, but I’m not really getting the full message. And I’m not really connecting with them.
I’m in my head, rather than really with them.
So it’s a good reminder to me—and hopefully to you too—to listen fully.
To be in that space of Spirit Mind. Just be in curiosity.
I might be looking at Hisami, listening, smiling, and enjoying getting to know her—and hearing what she’s joyful about in the moment, or sad about in the moment, or whatever, right?
I’m really listening with the intent to connect, not the intent to fix things.
Nothing really needs to be thought about. All the information I need is going to be there when I need it.
And when we’re in that space, we can truly listen. We can truly connect. And it’s so much different than the half-listening, thinking, material mind.
