I was reminded today of the true meaning energetically of forgiveness.
I had this dream last night. I fell asleep really early—at 8:30—when I got home. And I just conked out on the couch, could not wake up, ended up crawling into bed a couple hours later.
I woke up about 5:30 in the morning. I was having this dream where I was in this small church. There were a few people around in there. And then the minister—who’s kind of entertaining, he’s from Young Sheldon, that man, the minister in that one—he was a minister. And he was leaving, and there were two caskets on the stage or the altar there of the church, and there was kind of this heavy energy there.
And as the minister left, this older woman in the congregation was saying, “Please let me clean this up and let it have its next step.” I don’t remember the exact words—it was a dream, right? So it’s kind of feelings and words mixed together. But it was like she wanted to take these two people in the situation—whatever it was—and kind of take it off the altar, away from the heavy energy, and kind of set it free to take some next steps.
And then next scene, we’re outside. The people are talking about one or more of the people who had died—I don’t know the story—and they were all sharing their happy memories. Like, this joy they’d had or some funny thing the person had done, or like they tended to really like hanging out with these kinds of people. And there were just a lot of happy memories there.
And I went back into the church and I entered the office—you know, with the pastor from Young Sheldon—and said, “You know, I know it’s not my place, but I just had a feeling somebody needed to say something.” And I said, “I just want to bring up this heavy energy. It’s about these things. And have you considered…” you know, I kind of introduced it in a kind way.
And right away, I could feel he had this very heavy energy and sort of responsibility and so on.
And I wake up, and I can feel this. I was like, that’s kind of an odd dream. But I could feel this energy. I’m like, Oh, there’s something inside me. Something heavy, that I’m holding energetically that’s ready to release. It’s why I fell asleep last night and slept so deeply for so long, and here’s my opportunity.
And this is all coming at once. It’s not in words, right? Spirit Mind doesn’t speak in words. It’s just boom—insight in the moment. Words are what we put together with our Material Mind later to try to make sense of stuff and so on—like I’m doing here, actually. But it all came at once: heavy energy to release. I don’t release this laying in bed next to Hisami as she’s sleeping—that won’t be the nicest thing. This all came at once.
And so I came into our other room. I went outside on the balcony and just—well, you know, just—my body is shaking, all this energy is moving. I’m still half asleep so I can’t even really see, I’m kind of blurry-eyed and eyes half-closed. And as I’m standing there, kind of just before sunrise, all this energy is releasing out of me.
And I have this deep insight. It’s like, Oh, there’s many stories I have around this heavy energy, about what it might be—about something that happened when I was young, maybe sixth grade or so. I don’t know if it was with a particular teacher—it might have been—or it could have been with a minister, actually, that we had had—a new minister at that time at the church I was going to.
And something around there happened that deeply affected me and it’s been buried. And I’ve been back looking at it in hypnosis and so on, so I have some stories around what it may be. And various times I’ve kind of looked at it and tried to process it and so on.
But it was very different what happened this morning.
This morning, they didn’t matter. It wasn’t about anybody else. It was strictly energy. There’s this energy that I’m holding. You can imagine—I’ve got this clenched fist by my chest now—and I’m holding on to this energy of pain. Something that happened that scared me or hurt me in some way. And I’m holding it.
And the normal way of processing stuff like this is to try to, you know, look at it deeper, understand it, find out the story—what happened, who did it—take some steps toward it. Or even, you know, practice this Material Mind version of forgiveness where I cling to this thing deeply, hold it to my chest while I’m saying, “I forgive this person. I forgive that. I release this. I release that.”
I go through all this ritual and words and so on. But typically, from the Material Mind version of this, we don’t actually ever release the clenched fist. So we may go through all the words of forgiveness and feel some relief because we’ve changed our story, but we didn’t change the energy.
We’re still clinging to this.
And today, the opposite was happening.
So I didn’t have words put around it, but there was this release. You know, that tight fist that I’ve been holding around this old pain was letting go. And I was—and that energy was moving into the future. I was actually freeing this energy—both for me and for whoever else was involved—and letting it take its next step and go somewhere different and lighter, away from this point—this small point in time—where it was heavy and got stuck.
And it occurred to me in that moment: This is what forgiveness means.
“Fore-” means future, and “-give” as in release.
So I’m giving this energy space to move into a lighter future. I’m releasing. You know, if I had to put it in words, I’d say I’m both releasing myself from having to hold it in this grip, but I’m also releasing the other people that I’ve sort of trapped by holding it there. Right? So they want to go too. Everybody wants to be moved past the situation—whatever it was. I don’t even know the details.
But energetically—boom—that’s what forgiveness is.
That’s what Spirit Mind forgiveness is. I’ve let it go.
I don’t need words. It doesn’t matter what happened.
I’m just letting the energy go free. I’m no longer holding this heaviness—for me and for everybody else.
It was beautiful.
