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It's so odd when my own teaching
comes back and teaches me, and I
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hope this is happening for everyone.
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So something I've said many times is
that if you see somebody circulating
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pain and confusion in the world and
causing it or spreading it to others,
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it's because they're circulating
pain and confusion within themselves.
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Or to say it better, pain and confusion
energy is circulating within them.
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It's not something they're consciously
doing, but because it's circulating
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within, it's being expressed on the
outside and causing pain and confusion
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for others, and this is something that
I. Have said many times, it helps me find
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compassion for people that are doing that.
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But today something clicked in and I saw
myself in a completely different way.
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I noticed there's this pattern I
have of spreading guilt and shame
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and sort of a sense of I don't
know what I'm doing to others.
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Right?
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And so what it would look like is.
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Yesterday we're working on some files.
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And one of the files disappeared and
there's three of us working on it.
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So it could have been any of us.
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But my energy kind of amps up and my
energy and my mouth are connected.
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So, you know, the things I'm
saying and emotions are going
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through come right outta my mouth.
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And so I was first,
like, I can't believe it.
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This is gone.
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And then I kind of kept amping up.
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Like, this is really terrible.
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All these other things that were in
there got deleted and there's no way to
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recover it and everything's gone forever.
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And, you know, it just kind of
snowballed into this emotional blah,
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blah, blah coming outta my mouth.
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And I could feel at the time that, the.
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Other person was feeling super guilty
and super like shame, and they're
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like, I can't believe I did that.
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And all These negative emotions.
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And Hisami happened to be sitting,
in the middle, we're kind of sitting
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in the line at this counter and,
and Hisami's energy's really clear.
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She's like, well, it's okay.
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It's not a big deal.
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And of course, you know, I'm
thinking, well, but we need this.
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We need this script.
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But her energy is so
clear and calm, it's okay.
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And so part of me was knowing
it's true, it is okay.
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And right away I could see that,
uh, I can just grab one of the old
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recordings, , drop it into something and
get a transcript of the old recording.
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We have it back, and that's most of it.
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And then I happened to reach out to,
you know, another person on the team
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and she had some parts of the notes
that, , weren't in the transcript and
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kind of filled in the missing piece.
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And, you know, so it
really wasn't a big deal.
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And even at the end I realized, oh, it's
now it's light, it's new, it's fresh.
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, Actually deleting it, recreating
it helped energetically helped us.
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'cause we're kind of turning
a new page this year.
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But although that was happening on
the outside, I was still, you know.
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Sending out this energy that somebody's
bad, somebody did this, who's to blame?
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This is terrible.
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It's unrecoverable.
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And just more and more words that
are creating pain, grief, shame,
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self-doubt, and just causing this in.
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Somebody else, and this
is a pattern I have.
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This is something that I do
all the time over the years.
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It's sometimes it'll be big cement, it'll
be small, but it's never quite gone away.
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And this morning, this is where the
inside came is I noticed that, oh, people
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that are spreading pain and confusion
to others are doing so because that
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pain and confusion is circulating within
them and they can't help, but they're
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expressing themselves, ah, this is me.
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I'm a person who is spreading guilt,
shame, and self-doubt to others
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around me, and why am I doing it?
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You got it.
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I'm doing it because.
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That same shame, guilt, and self-doubt
energy is circulating within me.
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Aha.
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Now I've always used this idea
on other people to help me
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find compassion for others.
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But wait a minute, is it
all about other people?
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Isn't personal growth about ourselves?
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Right?
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So my own teaching's coming back
and I'm like, wait a minute.
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I've been saying the thing that I
needed all along to realize I have
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these energies circulating within me
and I'm not a bad person because of it.
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I can see it from love, but
now I know how to change it.
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I can work on those energies
within me, release them, let
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them go surround them with love.
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Compassion , , I'm a human with
energies and emotions circulating
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within me just like everybody else.
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So I can have compassion for
myself, compassion for those
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energies and desire to change.
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And now I understand one more puzzle
piece kind of snap together so it'll be
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easier to make that change in the future.
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So really fun and , I feel good
and light and hopeful that this new
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understanding from, you know, so
many years of teaching and looking
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at energy and helping other people.
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Some little piece snapped in.
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But, this little piece is really big.
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And I'm sharing this 'cause I hope
that you will notice in your life,
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what you're expressing in the world is
something that's circulating within you.
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That's a great lesson.
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That's one to learn.
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But also just notice "What are
you teaching other people?"
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"What are the most profound things that
you're sharing that are helping others?"
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Because the reason why you're sharing
them is because you want to hear them.
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There's something in there for
you, you're trying to learn.
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And I think that's true for all of us
that teach in any way professionally
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or just personally, is that we're
really learning, and the fastest way
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to learn sometimes is to teach , if
we're able to also listen to ourselves.
